On Sunday evening, Adam turned on “Better Together” by Jack Johnson, which was our song in college days, since we started dating again, and was our first dance at our wedding. As I heard the first notes start to play, I smirked knowingly. “Oh hey,” I called from the kitchen, where I stood making snacks for the week.
He smiled, “This song feels like a memory. We needed it for a season but I don’t think we need it anymore. It’s like looking at a photo album of our past relationship because we have so much more now.”
My heart gasped with gratitude and as tears sprung to my eyes, he came to hug me from behind. Happy tears, surprised by deep gladness, spilled down my cheeks. How true it is, that Jesus has restored to the uttermost what used to define us. We have moved from uncertainty to deeply rooted in love. Our song of “Better Together” has been replaced with “Never Apart” and “Forever Committed.”
There we were, on an ordinary Sunday evening in our home, so beyond happy and content in our ordinary life that singing “Better Together” seemed almost foolish. How obviously and deeply we have embraced how good it is to be loved by each other, and to care for each other, and to be committed to each other for life. Our new life. Thank you, Jesus.
It felt silly to dance to our old song, but of course we will always cherish it. We will hold it forever in our hearts, but we know it doesn’t define us anymore. We would be crazy to act as though we were still dating now out of a misguided loyalty to that season of our life. It would be like dancing to a song that’s no longer playing. Instead, we are fully embracing what it means to be married and learning life together.
This divine moment of gratitude spilled into my time with Jesus on Monday morning. As I was reveling again in the beautiful gift He has given us, I felt Him pushing me to apply this banner of truth to other areas of my life, particularly in my struggle with body anxiety. I fought a serious eating disorder in high school but since have experienced immense healing. However, there are times, and I’ve been experiencing it lately in my transition out of marathon training, that those old fears and stomach-gripping anxieties sneak back in.
It is certainly real that I have new layers of anxiety to work through, but so quickly those can turn into fear that old destructive thought patterns are back to stay. Out of nowhere I can find myself embracing “Eating Disordered” instead of “Happy & Healed” as the name I carry.
On Monday morning in the quiet moments, Jesus asked me, “What old tunes are you still dancing to when I’ve given you a new song? You are not who you once were, Sara Ann. You are standing firm in perfect, certain LOVE in this fight, just as you now stand in perfect, certain LOVE in marriage with Adam.”
What old comfortable melody are you dancing to when the Triune God has placed you in a new dance of loving-kindness and abundance? What old name of struggle are you hanging on to because you have not embraced the new name you’ve been given as Whole and Loved?
New is scary because we don’t know what it will hold. New isn’t predictable or certain but our Jesus is certain and no matter what your “new” might be, He walks with you into it, hand in hand.
The more I come to know His heart, a heart that holds STOREHOUSES of good for all His children (Psalm 31), the more my joy finds deeper roots and grows in whatever season of life I’m in because in it all, He is the safest, nearest home I have ever known.