I’m Sara, and I’m a Fearaholic

I’m Sara and I’m a fearaholic.

I’m Sara and I’m a fearaholic. I’m addicted to fear. I’m a chronic overthinker which only makes matters worse. My fear consumes me. It causes me to be self-centered and mean. I know Christians aren’t supposed to fear because “perfect love drives out fear” yada yada but realistically speaking it’s only natural.

Sometimes it’s “just anxiety” or “my OCD tendencies” or some other diagnosable, medical ailment. “I really just can’t help it.” “It’s only natural as a single twenty-something.” “Maybe I need to get on medication.” “I’m type A” so I’m just “being conscientious.” It’s disgusting.

But can I really live as though Jesus wasn’t kidding when He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:30, NKJV)? Do I dare believe He came that His joy may be in me and that my joy might be FULL (Jn. 15:11, NKJV)? Is it too bold to assume that God really does have plans for me that are beyond my wildest imagination (1 Cor. 2:9, NKJV)?

Psalm 103:​2-5:

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

And forget not all His benefits:

 Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

 Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,

 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

These verses call God Forgiver, Healer, Redeemer, and Satisfier. If I am a child of God I should be living as one who has been forgiven, healed, redeemed, and satisfied in Christ. Why do I keep living according to my mile long list of excuses for my fear? 

I recently attended one of Beth Moore’s Living Proof Simulcast conference events. (If you’ve never been to one of these you need to make it happen. Beth Moore is a vivacious woman of God who has the gift of teaching and the anointing of the Holy Spirit and she will BLOW. YOUR. MIND. with her refreshing honesty.)

The conference theme song was No Longer Slaves by Jonathan David & Melissa Helser. The chorus repeats:

// I’m no longer a slave to fear / I am a child of God //

I just wept as this simple truth was impressed deeply upon my heart. I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten that it was so simple. Somewhere along the way of my Christian life I had forgotten what it means to be a child of God. Fear in all its nasty forms of anxiety and insecurity and pride has no power here.

I grew up in the church and went to a Christian college and graduated with a theology degree for crying out loud and gee whiz I just LOVE to make the truth so complicated when it is really the most simple, beautiful message that exists.

Living a forgiven, healed, redeemed, satisfied life in Christ isn’t a big complicated mystery. God’s enduring, fear-destroying love isn’t teasing us or trying to hide from us. His love is wild and unrestrained and constantly pursuing us. My mile long list of excuses can no longer stand when I realize that the only thing keeping me from experiencing the deep, pure, soul-filling love of Jesus is ME.

My foolish, prideful grip on my fear is keeping me from believing that my Savior wants to consume me with His love in the very way my soul so desperately longs for (Psalm 16:11, Isaiah 43:4). I can’t let go because I’m holding onto other things. I’m content to play with mud pies in the slums when a holiday on the beach has been offered to me (C.S. Lewis, Weight of Glory). I’m an addict.

I’m addicted to Instagram and Facebook, Chinese food and Grey’s Anatomy, flirting with guys at the coffee shop and worrying endlessly that I’m going to die alone. What if I dared to let go? What if I dared to declare over my life in the name of Jesus that fear can make me its’ slave NO longer? What if I opened my heart to receive this fairy tale love of God? What if I was audacious enough to take God at His word?

Will you dare with me? Will you shout Psalm 27 to the Lord and not stop until you have seen “the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”? Will you declare Psalm 103 against every ounce of fear that holds you captive? Will you boldly approach the throne of grace and find your rest there (Hebrews 4:16)? Do we dare?

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” Luke 12:32, NKJV

 

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